Mother’s Day seems surreal for me this year, because for the past 17 years of my life I’ve often wondered if I would ever hold this title. To be honest, I told myself I couldn’t and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to have children I think, out of mere protection for my emotions. Unfortunately, for so many other women, this can be a sensitive subject, we question the why, we’ve dealt with the pain or even felt inadequate, but I think what helped me through the season was simply saying I couldn’t….everyone deals with this subject in a very different and personal way, but this is how I handled it and dove into work and my career more.
I was content in my life, my employees and my work became my children, so honestly I didn’t feel a void. I was WAYYY to busy. I do remember, the one question Dave and I asked an elderly couple at work and that was, “What’s the one thing you regret in your life?” They’re reply, “Not every having a child.” This replayed over in my head for some time and I ended up writing in my prayer journal Blessing us with a baby. (I keep a monthly prayer journey that I divide into categories, and it goes something like this, Others First, Our Family, then Business Prayers.
The Background of my Healthy and the Start of my Complications:
Let’s rewind my life several years ago so so you have the full story…okay to be EXACT 18 years of my life. Over 18 years ago I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian disease, for those of you that may not know what this is, it’s a condition where a woman develops multiple cysts on her ovaries that are extremely painful. Painful so much so, that sometimes you are on bed-rest until they naturally go away…and sometimes you have to have surgery so they don’t rupture. I wasn’t so fortunate, when I was just 16 years old my right ovary ruptured completely into, which caused me to loose 3 liters of blood (think of a liter as in a bottle of coke) and have to rushed into emergency surgery. Although, I was fortunate and had a wonderful female doctor whom operated on me and saved my ovary, shortly after that I was put on hormone therapy treatment therapy for years.
Fast forward some time, after battling with cysts on my ovaries and after being on hormone therapy…. I researched EVERYTHING I could for possible “natural treatments” or ways that I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain and ways I could naturally help my body and possible get off of hormones, especially after so many studies that said they cause cancer. Although, I’m not a doctor, I do think God gives us intuition regarding our own bodies, we just have to listen, and apply what we’ve learned.
Changes I Made to my Diet + Body:
So after LOTS and LOTS of research, I tried to eat strictly organic or as much (I’d say the 70/30 rule) because at the time, there weren’t alot of organic stores or options in the area I lived in. I wouldn’t use household chemicals like bleach, bleach products, and never used body lotion (due to the what studies have been done regarding “hormone erupters” like parabens, oxybenzone, aluminum, synthetic dye) I also ONLY use all natural soap to bathe with. Some of my favorite soaps include Belham soaps a local soap maker, and Zum Bar, and Myers handsoap After re-vamping the house, and all topical products, I also yearly do a detox…since I had been on hormones for over 10 years, and to just cleanse and reset my system.
(I’ve listed below hormone erupters via revitalizemed.com)
Parabens – These are strong endocrine disrupters and are known to mimic estrogen. As a result, many have been linked with breast cancer. They are used in products as a preservative and can be found in MANY products. Anything listed that ends in paraben should be avoided (Methylparaben, tetramethylparaben, etc.).
Oxybenzone – This is an endocrine disruptor as well, and is the active ingredient found in most sunscreens. It also causes our body to create free radicals which increase our risk of cancer.
Aluminum – This is a heavy metal that can bio-accumulate in your system to a toxic level and has been linked to breast cancer. It is found in most deodorants.
Synthetic Dye – These are derived from coal tar and petroleum and are categorized as a carcinogen. They can also be contaminated by heavy metals. This is toxic to our brain. Examples are FD&C Blue 1, Yellow 5 & 6, Red 33, etc.
Dimethicone – This is a siloxane, which is an endocrine disruptor and can impair fertility. It has been linked to uterine cancer.
Triclosan – This is actually a pesticide and is an endocrine disruptor. It also disrupts thyroid function. It is the active ingredient in antibacterial soaps.
Dave and I ended up after several years of being married, going to the Doctor to get the “reproductive check-up”, the doctor cleared us, but just told me I needed to do do alot of relaxing (so not in my nature). A side note, I had been told with my two conditions (polycystic ovarian disease and an inverted uterus) that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant and after 8 years and 2 months of us being married, and nothing happening well…I became busyier in my work, signing a contract for the first time ever working New York Fashion Week and LA Fashion Week.
Last year I flew to New York Fashion Week with my husband and invited my parents up for the show, there on the plain from Jacksonville to New York, I met a lady named Martha Restropo. We ended up hitting it off right away! I was wearing a cross bracelet, that she loved and I gave her and this sparked a conversation about our faith in which we dove into. She asked me if she could pray for me in any way and I said yes, My husband really wants a baby, and we’ve been trying but nothing has happened. She prayed over me right there on the plane, I can’t say I fully understood her prayer (due to her heavy Columbian accent) but I felt it, I felt every bit of it. The one thing I understood was she communicated, that God gave her a message and that message was I would bare a child and she could see the number 7 in her vision. (Yes, I believe in biblical prophecy, but had never had anyone prophecy over me before, and a part of me believed it and a part of me was like, okay) I asked her the same, and told her I would put her prayer needs in my journal. I’ll be honest…I never thought I would see or hear from her again…but 7 days after my husband and I took a pregnancy test she found me on facebook and DM me to ask me if we had news to tell her. Just let me stop you right here, my husband and I had sworn not to tell a sole untill we were in the “safe zone” of our pregnancy due to me being older and my mom loosing a child at 4 months pregnant. Not only does the number 7 play out in this, but it was exactly 7 months later we found out we were pregnant from the time we met her and my due date is right before I turn 37.
Friends, I’ll be honest, I’ve been a Christian since I was 13 years old, but I have gone through very stale periods in my life. Yes, I’ll be honest to, I’ve questioned and been angry at God about things. I”m human, not God. Sometimes God allows us to go through the bottom lows, so we rely on HIM more…think about it, if our life was perfect how and why would there be the need for change and improvement or more faith? But what I will say is this has been an incredible journey, one that has ignited my faith to a whole other level. I hope if you are going through an incredibly difficult time in your life, you lean more on him, instead of running away from him…I promise you’ll get clarify and and answer alot faster if you run to him.
I know this blog has been long winded, but my prayer for you is never give up faith. God gives us seasons for a reason. If you’re on the journey and you’ve struggled with motherhood, my heart and prayers are with you, but I encourage you to ask God how and what he wants you to do in this season.
To my current + future clients:
I’m so excited about this new journey in my life personally, and my husband’s life! I know it will bring about changes in a good way! Please know that myself along with my team are fully prepared to tackle your special day or project. I will be taking a maternity break personally, October – November 2019. So thanks in advance, thanks for understanding and respecting this special moment during this time in our lives. I cherish everyone of you. You keep our doors open for constantly supporting and believing in us and I’m so grateful.
photos: Brooke Roberts Photography
makeup: Paula J. Fields